He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize