she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
