i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
