You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
