I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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