Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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