He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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