A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
