): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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