hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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