dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
