Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
