He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
