I want to have your abortion
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize