hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
