I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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