I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
