Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
