I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
