Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize