wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
