I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
