this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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