About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
