At least make sure they are 18
Why
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
