i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Im part way to drunk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
