apparently the secret to your success is patron
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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