The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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