I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
