i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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