I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
