Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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