mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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