Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
