You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I AM VODKA MAN
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
