Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize