Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
