I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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