epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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