a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
