What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
