She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
