Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
