ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
