I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
