i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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