pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
