They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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