i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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