I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
