I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
