Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
