I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
