I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
