Your tits are I can't wait for
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize