Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
