I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
