some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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