don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
