Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
