just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
