So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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