Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Bring me that man meat
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
did i just pee glitter
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize