why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
