she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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