Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
FUCK WHALES
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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