Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
