there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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