If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
either way he was missing a nipple.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
