I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
