did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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