sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
