So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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