He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
