no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize