omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
