its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
