I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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