I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize