i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
