I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
