hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
