I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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