A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
