This house was built for laser tag.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Damn victory sex feels great
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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