I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
