We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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