the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
