I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Two words: blizzard sex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
