was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
