as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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