Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
