ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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