Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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