What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
