WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
