I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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