We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
