Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
