wanna go halves on a baby?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize