people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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