i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
