O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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