Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
