You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
