How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
