my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize