Who wears a wallet chain?!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
